Les Mizitosis
by Deep Forest Green
Summary: If you or someone you love suffers from this condition, seek professional help immediately- or just consult this handy guide.


Note: This is not meant to make fun of anyone with an actual disease! This is merely a brief parody to illustrate the toll that Les Miz takes on the physical and mental health of its fans. Proceed if you dare.

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**Introduction**

Also known as Mizophrenia. Mizitosis is just one of many fandom-related diseases, and as such, it follows similar patterns. The origin is said to be the sewers of Paris, from which it was transmitted by a Charles Dickens imitator into the aboveground world. The illness remained dormant in the subject for many years, until the highly contagious pathogen manifested itself in highly contagious book form, following the dangerous model of A Tale of Two Cities and The Communist Manifesto. The subject blames the neglect of the French government for the source of the illness.

Mizitosis has been documented since 1862 and spread like wildfire in some scholarly circles, but fortunately most of these nerds were self-quarantined, and for the general public it was mostly contained in France until sometime in the mid-1980s. Doctors and scientists are still researching the symptoms and are unable to agree on whether Mizitosis is a physical, psychological, or social condition. Many contend that it is a combination of all three.

Mizitosis is highly contagious. If you contract it, the best thing to do is quarantine yourself. White, heterosexual, upper middle-class teenage girls and young women are especially vulnerable to contracting Mizitosis, as are all-around theater geeks. The disease can be spread through many media, including but not limited to: gifs, fanfiction, fanart, tumblr, and Glee.

**Subtypes of Mizitosis**

Like all illnesses, Mizitosis can come in mild, moderate, or severe form. Here is a brief summary of every type of Mizitosis. Any form can be aggravated by frequent, unregulated exposure to online sources.

_Mild_

First exposure to Mizitosis usually occurs via musical and/or film. We will nip it in the bud, because it can easily progress to...

_Moderate_

The transition to moderate Mizitosis is usually marked by an increased fascination with the subject matter. It may result in reading the Brick, which is why it is sometimes also referred to as Brickitis.

_Severe_

The patient with severe Mizitosis has serious social inhibitions and often tends to alienate herself from her peers. Severe Mizitosis can be seen as an addiction and should be treated as an emergency.

**Symptoms**

_Abnormal__ heartbeat- _echoing the beating of the drums

_Necrophilia- _getting the feeling that you are making love to one already dead

_Schizophrenic hallucinations_

Common visual hallucinations: empty chairs at empty tables, a world reborn, tigers coming at night, floating medieval fortresses, ladies all in white, a night bright as day, pavement shining like silver, misty light reflected in the river, trees filled with starlight, the shrine of friendship, stars in their multitudes, a world that cannot hold

Common audial hallucinations: people singing, one's friends' voices ringing, distant drums

Some patients even report sensual hallucinations, such as a man's arms around them, words stabbing them in the form of daggers, a little fall of rain, feeling shame inside them like a knife, and reaching but falling.

_A deep, pathological and inexplicable hatred of someone named Marius Pontmercy- _This one needs no explanation.

**Diagnosis**

People with moderate to severe Mizitosis are known as "Mizzies". Most of them are self-diagnosed, and some even flaunt their condition. This is extremely dangerous. Mizitosis is not something to be encouraged. If someone you know is suffering from the delusion that all her friends want to hear about her headcanons for Enjolras and Grantaire, seek the help of a counselor or other professional immediately. For more subtle signs that something is amiss, look for cosplay-related swellings, growths, and inflammations on the head and chest, such as rosettes and "Eponine caps".

**Treatment**** and Prognosis**

Unfortunately, there is no known cure for Mizitosis. Most people who contract it are forced to live with it for the rest of their lives. This is due to the addictive nature of the subject matter. Mizitosis can be phased out with sufficient exposure to another fandom, but in all likelihood it will remain dormant in the patient indefinitely.

**Vaccination**

It's never too early to protect your daughters from this epidemic. Here are some common preventative measures against Mizitosis:

Repeated viewing "Mean Girls"

Viewing the illustrations in the original edition

Introduction via _v. Brichius Unabridgium_, a strain of virus much more benign than its mutated cousin, _v. Brichius Abridgium._ Children exposed at an early age will be highly immune to Mizitosis.

**Living with Mizitosis**

If you or a loved one has Mizitosis, do not despair. Life has not killed the dream you dreamed. Having Mizitosis does not have to have a huge negative impact on your life. Many patients go on to live happy and functional (although not always productive) lives.

Mizitosis can actually have some positive side effects, which is why many Mizzies report feelings of happiness and satisfaction. Exposure to fandom often results in increased feelings of tolerance for homosexuality, a deepening concern for social justice and current events, and a love of musical theater, French language and cuture, and history.

**Long-term Psychological Effects**

Mizitosis has the same effect on the brain as a stimulant drug. It can propel the patient to action in situations where it is uncalled for. It makes her irritable, excitable, obsessively patriotic, and heedless of danger. In extreme cases, it can develop into full-blown Revolutionary Disorder. At this stage, it can tear apart the very social fabric of the patient's immediate surrounding environment. It may be appropriate for a caregiver to call Animal Control.

**Conclusion**

Victims of Mizitosis are to be dealt with gently. Remember that the story they are codependent upon revolves around love and redemption. Sit with them and urge them slowly back into the real world. But be warned: if your own psychological defenses are not strong enough, you may be the next victim of this highly compulsive mental malady. Doctors recommend draining your reserves of compassion by watching pro wrestling five hours a day after talking to a Mizzie.

**See Also**

PhanPhictionPhilia

Disneurosis

Pixlexia

Theater Fever

ADD (Advanced Doctor Disorder)

OCD (Oliver, Cats, Doctor-Doolittle)

PTSD (Persistent Tumblr-Withdrawal Systematic-Syndrome Devastation)

**Many sufferers find temporary pleasure and relief in leaving reviews.**


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